Every relationship has its ups and downs. In marriage, there is a time when couples are at their best and at time when they hate the mere sight of each other. The latter is worth all the attention, because if not taken care of, can lead to disagreements and even divorce. Whilst divorce is a hard thing to bear, when it is completely unavoidable, do not drag your children into it. Give them peace.
They are already going through a lot! Here are the top 5 mistakes divorced parents make:
1Making your child the messenger
After divorce, it’s common to feel the urge to communicate with your ex. However, just because you don’t know how to go about it, don’t make your child the messenger. To be honest, that child is better off not knowing your complications. If need be, try using emails to touch on specific topics that you feel need to be addressed. However, be extra-vigilant not to open old wounds.
2Sabotaging the relationship of your child with the other parent
Instead of letting go the resentment and anger that a parent has for the other parent, most parents prefer being right. Not only is this ineffective, but it also creates a volatile environment. But why must you bad-mouth about your spouse in the presence of your children? For heaven’s sake, there is no point of making you child takes sides. No matter what you do, the child belongs to both of you. Nothing can change that. Not even divorce!
3Failing to understand your child If there is a time that a child needs to be understood, it is after divorce.
The emotional turmoil that the child is going through at this stage is at its peak. So instead of rubbishing off your child’s questions, try to understand the point that they are trying to put across. Although you may not have answers for all their questions, just listen to them and understand that some things are out of control. Remember healing is a step by step process that is achieved through understanding and a loving connection.
4Treating your child like a therapist Instead of parents looking for help elsewhere, they turn to their children.
This is not the best way to go. Seek help elsewhere preferably from experienced people such as peer counselors.
5Avoiding the issue completely
Although saying too much bring more harm than good in a relationship, it is not prudent to avoid the issue completely. Shed some light on the issue, but do not bad-mouth against the other parent. As parents, discuss with your kids what is going on so that they feel free to express themselves.